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Talented and gifted...you have to be the most advanced 9-week old out there right now. Why? You can hold your own bottle! The average baby can hold it's own bottle around 6-10 months old. You...a little over two months. That's my child! Although I'm sure Dad will probably try to take credit for it on behalf of the Hansen's.

It may have only lasted 30 seconds, but you are truly talented and gifted. And so advanced. Now I've got something to brag about next time I'm at Mommy and Me Group. Yeah, we'll show that one mom up who bragged about her 6-week old being able to rollover. It wasn't even a textbook definition of a rollover. I saw it.

FAT ALBERT

After a long day of shopping, this is what I found when we got home... Looks vaguely familiar to one of the guys from Bill Cosby's "The Adventures of Fat Albert" cartoon, right?

Hey, hey, hey! (said in the deep, low Fat Albert voice) That's quite the Dumb Donald impersonation you've got going. We really need to install those rear-view child safety mirrors we purchased over a month ago. They're obviously not doing much good sitting in the family room.

HALLMARK HOLIDAYS

Since your birth, we've been on track to celebrate every remaining major Hallmark holiday for the year with you. Thanks to the commercialization of the American holidays, I've been brainwashed to believe that I'm not a good parent unless you experience each and every holiday with either gifts and/or candy. Lots of gifts and/or candy. Sure there's deeper meaning to all the holidays, but you probably won't learn to appreciate it until you're an adult.

I almost blew it right off the bat with Halloween, but pulled through in the end. Which isn't bad, considering you were three weeks old when Halloween came around. That night we dressed you up in a bunny outfit and sat you in your baby lounger down in the basement. And that was your first Halloween.

No running around the neighborhood collecting candy for you, which would inevitably wind up being for your dad and me. No neighbors oohing and awwing over your cute costume. You didn't even get to answer the door with me and pass out candy to the kids. Nope, none of that. Thanks to a ghoulish invisible monster running rampant that night, swine flu.

You couldn't have been born at a more terrifying time. All over the news people were warned of the impending pandemic caused by this new type of influenza that was deadlier than any other type in recent years. People lined up for hours to get the vaccine and there were mass shortages. Otherwise healthy people who could normally fight off the regular flu were dying from this new flu that came from pigs. Everyone was warned on Halloween to disinfect their door bells and knobs frequently and to not let kids reach their grimy little hands into the candy bowl, so as to not pass along the swine flu.
That's why you spent Halloween night hanging out in the basement, and that's why there was no candy or oohing and awwing. Not that you probably cared about it. You didn't miss out on much upstairs. We got 3 whole trick-or-treaters. I thought I'd be the "cool house" and emptied the candy bowl filled with full sized candy bars into their bags, blew out the jack-o-lanterns, turned off the porch light, and called it a night.

From that night I learned that our neighborhood sucks for trick-or-treating. We were the only ones on the street to have carved pumpkins, and trick-or-treaters were next to non-existent. When you're old enough to realize that Halloween is all about the candy, I won't let you down. We'll drive to a rich neighborhood filled with McMansions and do the trick-or-treating there. If you're going to make the effort to trick-or-treat, why waste your time on snack-size candy bars. Go to where the full sized ones are, and lots of them, right?

SUPER SAIYAN

Not too long ago you met your new cousin, Saiyan. Originally on target to be 10 days apart, we imagined you both might share the same birthday. How foolish we were to imagine that. With you being born 2.5 weeks early and he being born a week late, you guys wound up being more than a month apart. Strange how things happen like that. Even with that month difference, whenever you two are together out in public, people will probably assume you are twins. Get used to it.

You're probably wondering how Saiyan got his name. Most of us are still wondering that as well. As it turns out, Saiyan is named after your Aunt Lori's deceased dog, Super Saiyan. He's buried in their backyard near the playhouse. If you notice a large mound of dirt, that's where he is. Super Saiyan is named after a Japanese anime character from Dragon Ball Z. Apparently your Aunt Lori was a fan of Dragon Ball Z.


After Super Saiyan (the dog) passed away, and before Cousin Saiyan was ever born, your Aunt Lori got a new dog and named her Nayias. Notice, this is Saiyan spelled backwards.

Be lucky we didn't follow your Aunt's lead. Had we done that, your name would have been Muffletta. Your dad's beloved childhood dog.

OCCUPATION?

At the tender age of 7 weeks, you are on your way to becoming a part of the jet set. In preparation for our upcoming trip to the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, BC, you're getting your very first passport!

Yeah, I know what you're thinking, this isn't one of your better photos. But when you're dealing with a fussy baby that would rather look at the fluorescent lights on the ceiling than the photographer, you take what you can get. I'll make it up to you though. When you get your driver's permit, we'll make sure it's a great photo. I promise.

Your passport application threw your dad and me for a loop. Height? I was overwhelmed with the math of trying to figure out how many feet and inches you were. I lied and put 2 feet, so I wouldn't have to do any calculations. Looking back on it, it should have been 1 foot 9 inches. Hair color? Reddish brown today, but who knows what it'll be 3 months from now. I put brown. Eye color? Gray. But wait, there was no gray listed as an option! We're 99.9% sure you'll be a brown eyed girl (since when did a half Japanese kid ever have blue eyes?). So, I settled for brown.

Occupation? Occupation?!? Since when does a 7-week old have an occupation? Cry baby? Domestic diaper wetter? Early morning alarm clock? Blob? We decided on the most appropriate option...child. Salary: weekly allowance. Benefits: medical, dental, vision, free room and board, clothing allowance, all major holidays and summers off, plus an all expense paid trip to the 2010 Winter Olympics. Enjoy it while you can, this will probably be the best occupation you ever have.

MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO

Once again I'm avoiding the dreaded task of handwriting thank you's for the mountain of baby gifts you've received from so many thoughtful family and friends. I've been able to put it off the past 6 weeks, in part thanks to you arriving 2.5 weeks early.

You came so early that we managed to miss the family baby shower that Grand-Aunt Carol and Great-Grandma Ryuko were throwing for us. Luckily it was a joint shower not only for us, but for Aunt Lori and Cousin Saiyan (named after Lori's deceased dog, but that's another story in itself) as well. So, it wasn't a complete wash for all of our guests.

At 2:00 PM on October 11, 2009, all 5 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long of you made it's arrival into the world, while our guests were sipping punch and playing those silly shower games. I have to confess that I'm a little disappointed I missed the shower. I'm probably one of the few people in the state of Oregon that enjoys playing those goofy shower games, but will never publicly admit to it.

Up until this baby shower, I was all caught up on the thank you's. But, with the happenings of a newborn (you), the thank you's kept piling up as the gifts kept pouring in. You're quite popular. I've decided this is the week I'm going to tackle them. But first I'm starting this blog for you.

Why? I wish I could say I thought of it on my own, but really a Facebook friend started one for her son, and I thought it'd be a great gift for you. Especially since I have yet to start filling out the baby book I bought for you. "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery," according to Charles Caleb Colton. So, thank you Siri. Monkey see, monkey do.

Facebook friend, you ask? Yeah, not like a friend-friend, but a Facebook friend. It's hard to explain the nuances between the two, but let me try. Siri's a dear friend of Aunt Meghan's, and Grandma Kathy is good friends with Siri's mom. Both Siri and her mom attended my wedding, and I've given Siri dining recommendations once when she came back to Portland. Also, I met Siri's little baby boy at Aunt Meghan's wedding this past September. Thus, Facebook friends. Or in other words, more like acquaintances. Makes complete sense now, right?

OK, enough procrastinating. You officially have a blog dedicated to you, from me, your mom. Now back to the thank you's.