BABY FIGHT CLUB

Every so often you wind up with some pretty horrific scratches on your face. It’s these scratches that kept me from getting your professional newborn photos done until you were 8 weeks old and not such a newborn anymore. Every time I was ready to schedule a sitting with the photographer, a new batch of scratches would magically appear across your face. Thanks to Photoshop and digital imaging, my friends convinced me to send you to the photographer looking like you’d been in a catfight. They kept reminding me it was nothing that the photographer couldn’t digitally erase.

Why is it that babies wind up with scratches all over themselves? Baby Fight Club. The Haligowski’s shared this theory with your dad and it makes perfect sense. We imagine Baby Fight Club is pretty similar to Fight Club, although we can‘t be sure because nobody talks about it. These are Fight Club’s Rules:

1st Rule: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB.

2nd Rule: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB.

3rd Rule: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the fight is over.

4th Rule: Only two guys to a fight.

5th Rule: One fight at a time.

6th Rule: No shirts, no shoes.

7th Rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to.

8th Rule: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.

So, if Baby Fight Club is similar to Fight Club, that explains why you wind up with all those scratches for no reason at all. And thanks to the first two rules of Fight Club, as far as you’re concerned, there is no Baby Fight Club, but your father and I are on to you.

SNUGGIE

At four months old is it possible to have a favorite blanket? Apparently it is. Whenever you throw an ear-shattering tantrum, I’ve found the magic key to calming you…

This is your favorite blanket. It’s the softest, most plush thing anyone has ever felt. With satin lining and some man-made artificial fabric that might as well be cute baby bunny fur because it's so soft, the touch of it on your skin instantly calms you.

Seeing you so calm and content all wrapped up in the plush blanket makes me envious. I wish they made something like this for adults. The world would be a much happier place. Or at least I would be.  But until then, I guess I'll have to settle for a Snuggie.

PEACOCK

Happy Valentine's Day!  You are such a cute baby, I'm convinced you'll be a heart breaker when you're older.  Although I'm sure this is what all moms think.  What mom would think she has a funny-looking kid that will never get a date to the prom?  It doesn't happen. 

Back to Valentine's Day and love...you're probably wondering how your dad and I met.  Here's the story.  Well, actually there's two stories, depending on how old someone is when they ask how we met. 

In general if you're old enough to be my parent or I need to make a favorable impression, you get Story #1...Your dad had just moved to Oregon from Minnesota after graduating from college in 2000 to work for Intel. One weekend he tagged along with some friends for the big Civil War Football game in Corvallis. Being an Oregon State alum, I was also down there for the game and that's where we met.

Now, if you went to OSU or I don't care to make a favorable impression, you get the true story.  Story #2...We met Civil War weekend at the top of the 'cock.  The Peacock that is. Only my most favorite hangout every Thursday night during college.  The Peacock has an upstairs bar and dance floor known as "The Top of the 'Cock." That's where your dad and I met.  

I was on the dance floor dancing with some friends when out of nowhere he walked right up to me and said, "You're too pretty to be dancing by yourself."    And from then on, the rest is history...

Who knew I'd wind up marrying the guy I met at the top of the 'cock?  Your dad and I sometimes wonder if we hadn't met there, would we have met somewhere else in Portland? But had we met elsewhere, then we wouldn't be able to elicit those jaw-dropping, eye bulging responses when we casually tell someone we met at the top of the 'cock. 

THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER

The grass is always greener on the other side of the baby aisle.  Well today it was.  Look what I found at Target on my lunch break...

It's a designer bottle drying rack.  And I had to have it.  Why?  Why, when we have a perfectly good standard run of the mill drying rack that we've been using the past 4 months?  This is what Dad's big question was when he noticed it in the spot of the "old" rack.  I was hoping he wouldn't notice, but how do you not notice something like this? 

Why did I have to have it?  I spotted it in Crate and Barrel's baby catalog and fell in love with it.  I was about to order it online when I stumbled across it shopping.  Not only was it $5 cheaper than at Crate and Barrel, but I didn't have to pay shipping and handling.  How could I not pass it up?  Besides, your dad should be happy.  I originally had two of these in the cart, but talked myself down to one. 

WHAT ABOUT BOB?

Out of all the celebrities out there, you look most like Bob Dylan.  This is according to a computer program.  I don't quite see Bob in you, or you in him.  But what is interesting though is that for the past week before we ever found out you had an uncanny resemblance to Bob Dylan, you had been listening to his music nightly.

Thanks to Dad your night time lullabies haven't been the simple lyrics about stars that twinkle or babies rocking on a treetop.  Rather, what calms you into a lull are the political, social and philosophical influences of Bob Dylan's poetic power.  Bob Dylan's been credited as being one of the most musically and culturally influential figures of the 20th century.  Is that why dad makes you listen to his music?  Maybe in part, but Dylan is also a Minnesotan.  Did I tell you your dad's a Minnesotan too? 

MISS MATCH

Your dad's baby fashion sense is slowly improving.  Gone are the days of Dad sending you in pajamas to daycare.  He's dressing you in real clothes.  Designer baby Tea outfit?  Not bad.  But don't look too closely though.  Apparently he couldn't find matching socks and resorted to putting one on with pink trim and another one on with green trim.  I could see why you wouldn't be smiling in this picture.  I'd be pretty distraught if I had to spend all day in mismatched socks too. 

BALLCOCK

After over 3 months of waiting, you finally got to participate in your first of many trips to Home Depot. Your dad's favorite store. When he's not at Intel or home, this is where you can usually find Dad these days. Thanks to the internet, Home Depot's book section, Arnie (Portland's cheapest contractor), and a few day laborers off MLK Boulevard, Dad has completely rebuilt the house from the studs out.

Dad liked all this home improvement stuff so much that at one point he contemplated a career change. From an electrical engineer who designs the applications processor of cell phones (the chip that turns a phone into a computer), to a steel-toed hardhat wearing contractor? He decided against it when he realized that he's never seen a contractor drive a nice truck. Well, maybe that was just part of his reason against it.

But back to Home Depot. On your first shopping trip there was something that caught your eye.

What was it that had you so enthralled? A 12-inch ballcock. A ballcock? Out of all the thousands of items in Home Depot, and this is what caught your eye?
Even if it was just $7.87, Dad said you're too young for one. I wonder what the person who named the ballcock was thinking. On second thought, I know exactly what he was thinking...